Bike pranks!

Assembling and repairing bikes can be a rewarding job; there's a certain sense of accomplishment that comes with creating a bike for someone after carefully choosing a frame that fits and parts that will meet the rider's needs. Indeed, after taking a well worn bike and bringing it back to it's former glory after months or years of heavy use and neglect can make the mechanic feel like a veritable good-samaritan, doing his or her part to keep a useful steed out of the landfill and give someone a way to run their errands without firing up the car.

But after the warm and fuzzies wear off and the grim reality of the workaday grease-monkey sets in, the mechanic may occasionally feel the need to lash out at co-workers, "friends" or riding partners. Bike shop wage slaves need their fun, and what's better than fun at someone else's expense? In this spirit I've compiled a few little tricks that I've come up with over the years, or have heard of from other mechaincs (or from the victims, who will remain unnamed).

Some of these tricks I've never actually tried, but many of them I have. I've actually had more fun talking about these kind of tricks than using them, because I learned long ago- don't ever fuck with someones bike unless you're ready to have your bike fucked with. A seemingly harmless and hilarious filling of a co-worker's bmx bike's inner tubes with water once came back to haunt me in the form of a hot dog hidden in the seattube of my steel xc racing bike that went undiscovered for months. So be prepared, and don't start shit unless you're ready for all out war. So, to be prepared for war, you're going to need an arsenal.

Installing infuriating and mysterious noises is a good place to start. These won't really hurt the bike or the rider and are generally easy to reverse if someone really reacts badly to the prank. Let's start with ball bearings...

-Pop a few bearings in the handlebar. Easily diagnosed, reversed and not really even enough to start a shop war.

-Ball bearing in top tube. Works best on steel bikes, but could be applied to any bike with vent holes that can be accessed with the seatpost removed. For maximum effect use the largest bearing that will fit in the hole, making removal more difficult.

-If you have time, and you want to be a real bastard you could remove the bottom bracket and pop a bearing in a less accessable spot like a chainstay. This trick varies depending on the bike, and if you want to use something non-ferrous removal can be made even more difficult since steel things can be removed from odd spots with a strong magnet.

On a bike with a steel or aluminum fork steerer there is a particularly diabloical trick that can be performed. Simply drive the existing star-nut to a depth of 2 or 3 inches. Drop a large ball bearing in on top of it and then set a new star-nut where the original one was, leaving a bit of space between the 2 for the bearing to rattle. Reassemble and adjust headset. Thanks to Ryan Bontrager for this one, I'd never heard of it till the other day. This one is tough to remove and to diagnose.

Other noise making tricks can involve little bells like you get off of christmas tree ornaments or cat collars. These can go many of the same places that a ball bearing might go, but they can also go other places where ball bearings won't work. A good spot for little bells is inside the inner tube. It's easy- just cut a small hole in an inner tube, squeze the little bell through the hole and patch the tube. I've been riding an innertube with a bell installed on my cross bike for a while, it emits a quiet and intermittent jingle that could easily send a fussy rider to the brink of madness.



Mechanical tricks are good for certain victims, particularly tricks that involve gearing changes. Riders who obsess about their condition and climbing abilities are particularly good targets for gearing tricks. Changing out the 39t inner ring of a road crank for a 42t can really make someone question their form on a hilly ride. It doesn't require any derailleur adjustment (as changing the big ring would) and if you have a duplicate of the rider's right crankarm set up with a 42/53 combination, it can be changed very quickly and even be switched back and forth several times throughout the week or season. Obviously, 110mm "compact" cranks also lend themselves to this sort of tricks as well.

How about a trick for riders who like pushing big gears on the flats? This trick is great for crit riders and those who mash around in the harder cogs of the cassette. You'll need 3 or more cassettes for this one. Simply take the 16t cogs from the cassettes and arrange them in succession on your victims freehub. As he or she shifts up through the gears and begins to apply the power, they just get gear after gear of the same ratio till -clunk- the chain lands on the 13t or the 12t and they're totally over geared. I just set up a wheel of mine to try this one and it's effect is very odd. I just chose the 16 because it's a very useful gear and one that would have a subtle effect on the rider, it may take a while before they even notice that no gearing change occurs as they shift around in that range of the cassette.



Switching the shift cables will really render the bike unridable, and possibly unsafe. It is pretty hilarious to see someone roll out their driveway and go to shift a few cogs easier when the rear shifter is actually controlling the front derailleur. This will totally ruin a days ride though, so save it for someone you hate. It goes without saying that switching the brakes is only for someone that you want to kill, and same goes for hooking the shift cables up to the brakes and vice-versa. That would be mean.

That's all I can think of for now, anybody know any other good ones?